Mother to preschool-aged child: That’s the New York Stock Exchange. That’s where we lose all our money.
Man to four-shoe-pair-buying wife: It’s people like you who confuse the economists.
Man to cop: But if I shoot and kill someone in my home, it’s no problem, right?
Cop: No problem here; but you might have a problem in Greece.
Waitress: How do you like your toast? White bread or wheat?
Boy child: Toasted.
Waitress: I’m sorry, but how would you like it?
Boy child: I said toasted.
Visiting bimbo, about giant rock formation in Central Park: So, are these real or were they flown in?
Local bimbo: Oh, I’ll have to research that, but I think it’s a little from column A, a little from column B.
Girl: I don’t know why the express stops at Shea Stadium. No one ever gets off here.
Girl: I mean I can understand if it’s during the baseball season… Actually, even then no one gets off here.
Colleague #1: There is a girl in India with four legs.
Colleague #2: She’ll be happy. She’ll be able to wear more shoes.
Dude to friend: I swear to god, every time he gets a little buzzed he thinks he’s Austin Powers.
Little girl: I don’t like boys! They’re mean and they sweat a lot!